Concierge
“I cannot get through/am too lazy/don’t want to spend the money on the international telephone call, so would you call for me and reserve?”
“I arrive in the 6th at 11 PM and need a good, low-priced bistro where no one speaks English, that’s open late, within walking distance of my hotel.”
“So if I cannot get into Spring, Frenchie, Septime or (insert your favorite hotspot) where do I go if I’m looking for a good, low-priced bistro where no one speaks English, within walking distance of X Museum.”
Mr. Answer Man
“I cannot get through/am too lazy/don’t want to spend the money on the international telephone call, so would you call for me and reserve?”
“I arrive in the 6th at 11 PM and need a good, low-priced bistro where no one speaks English, that’s open late, within walking distance of my hotel.”
“So if I cannot get into Spring, Frenchie, Septime or (insert your favorite hotspot) where do I go if I’m looking for a good, low-priced bistro where no one speaks English, within walking distance of X Museum.”
Mr. Answer Man
“What are your top ten restaurants this year/ever?” [Have you read my categories?]
“Where do I go on Sundays?” [ditto]
“How far is it from my hotel to the restaurants in the Bois de Boulogne?” [Ah Mapquest is too hard to find?]
“Which is better, Restaurant X or Bistro Y?” [How many people did you ask?]
“My family wants to have the dégustation menu at Chez Blabla, but I don't eat seafood, and my wife is vegetarian except for chicken and egg whites, my boy eats only beef, my daughter eats only pasta. Do you think Chez Blabla would accommodate our issues and let us substitute this and that and that and that?
PS. A friend notes that after they’ve been answered/helped, their feedback, if any, is that “all the advice is ignored and on their own they found ‘divine little places, that serve the best French food in Paris’…..which were the type of places they wanted to avoid in the first place and generally have lackluster reputations.”
Punching bag [posted with an untraceable screen name but traceable IP]
“You’ll never print this but I think you’re nothing but a self-righteous, rich geezer with a big ego.”
“It's the height of pretention and poor taste to compare yourself and your lofty standards to the poor kids who write or blog to make a living; shame on you.”
“I disagree with everything you say, you blithering idiot. I’ll never go to anyplace you recommend.”
And finally – billboard.
“Buy cheap (enter your favorite) running shoes, watches, apparel.”
“You must try my favorite place [which I happen to own/be the chef at].”
“Write A+ term papers.”
*With a little help from my friends (Thanks esp. to V.B., N.L., M.P. + S.B.)
You're pretty much summed up the whole situation, John.
Posted by: Ptipois | April 24, 2012 at 10:30 AM
John,
The P.S. in your "Answer Man" section is priceless!
Best, Alec
Posted by: Alec Lobrano | April 24, 2012 at 12:08 PM
This whole article should be set to Rap.
Posted by: Parigi | April 24, 2012 at 03:35 PM
John,
I thank you for introducing me to foods I never thought of eating (tripe, sweetbreads, foamy stuff), and letting your readers know what you think about various restaurants. I promise never to ask you for a hotel recommendation or a raspberry recipe.
In other words, I enjoy your blog very much!
Wren in Texas
Posted by: Karen Minehart | April 25, 2012 at 02:03 AM
John,
I love the Concierge section - especially where "no one speaks English" just to have them complain later that "no one spoke English" how rude of the french!
Looking forward to eating with you again - soon!
Mimi
Posted by: Mimi | April 26, 2012 at 10:36 AM