Pre: So, we’re facing Saturday in Paris for lunch, whoops, everything is closed for Armistice Day, 11-11-11. The couple I laugh with the most and I scurry around to find a place with good food that’s open. Thinking hotels got to have restaurants open, I book at the new Hoxton place called Rivie, whatever that means.
I enter and am seated at their “quietest table” DB’s = 75.7 and look at the paper in front of me. What? Brunch, wait a minute, I specifically asked if there was also a regular “carte,” and was reassured in French and English there was. My delightful waitguy said, “oh you were dealing with the front desk of the hotel, they don’t know anything.” Then he pointed out the right side of the paper where there was coquelet, fish, burgers etc. Ok, we’ll make do.
So my friends enter and get the same response about brunch/lunch from our now female waitperson. We order up, a Hox cheeseburger for M., a Hox Monsieur (aka Croque) for Madame, a coquelet for me, how bad can they be? Ans: Pretty bad but like the old Catskill hotel joke, there was sure a lot. The cheeseburger ordered rare, was raw, and had to be replaced, the Monsieur was neither allez-retour nor unilaterale it was not cooked at all on either side and my coquelet was the most tasteless of the century. My friends loved the fries however, so a point for that. No points however, for their side salad of undressed leaves of spinach and maybe mustard.
After a new cheeseburger was prepared but no attention was paid to our other two uneaten dishes I insisted we have a chocolate Brownie, which was the weirdest Brownie presentation ever but tasted pretty good after what we'd just had.
Our bill, with a bottle and glass of wine, a bottle of Badoit and 2 coffees, and awful bread, read 108.50€? But wait, we didn’t have any peach rooibos, I don’t even know what that is. So take that away and you’ve got 104.50 for 3 or 69.66€ a couple.
Go? For the worst meal of the year? And cheating us out of 4€! That’s insupportable. Plus, the DB’s got to 86 before I stopped recording.
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